Say no to false sense of urgency syndrome

Your nervous system will thank you

Feb 08, 2024

a planet and a half moon — Photo by D koi on Unsplash

Pausing opens up the space for clarity.

Maybe it’s the wisdom of age and experience. Maybe it’s a result of the oestrogen draining from my midlife body as I write this (more likely!), but I have a much lower tolerance for certain things nowadays compared to ten, five, or even two years ago. One of those things is something I call “false sense of urgency syndrome.”

We’ve all been there. Someone contacts you with a request. There is something they need (or want) you to do and it’s URGENT!

Or is it?

It’s the ‘urgent’ emails and the people who text / message / WhatsApp with the expectation of an immediate response that are particular pet peeves of mine.

Sometimes things happen and yes, they are genuinely urgent and we leap into action to tackle those things accordingly. But, most of the time in these other instances, they’re really not. Often, the urgency relates to someone else’s less than satisfactory time management skills.

This is something I used to be swept along with in previous PAYE jobs. When I was much younger I’d end up whipped into an incredibly stressed state. I wanted to make a positive impression and felt I had no choice but to keep everyone happy, so the urgent issues of others became mine. This unsurprisingly resulted in a long list of obligations that didn’t really have anything to do with me. I was conscientious and good at my work and while my efforts benefited everyone else, they rarely benefitted me.

That was a long time ago, and let’s just say my outlook has changed.

You most likely have your own examples too, whether work related or otherwise.

When I think about it, false sense of urgency syndrome is not a thing I remember being an issue until I was some years into adulthood. I’m from a generation that grew up without the internet and when I started working as a runner in TV I had a pager (who remembers those?!) and my first work email address. Mobile phone ownership came some time after that.

This is probably why I feel technology has a lot to answer for when it comes to false sense of urgency syndrome.

We’ve become so used to things being quick and instant and on top of that there’s the assumption that we should always be reachable.

Hands up who else has known someone who stalks WhatsApp to check if you’re online so that they can send you a flurry of messages (Don’t lie – I know it’s not just me.)

I learned the hard way and maybe you did too, though I hope you didn’t have to. Now older, if not wiser, I’m happier to say no or draw a line.

If you’re still stuck in a pattern of tolerating false sense of urgency syndrome here’s a few things that have worked for me. Some of these may seem obvious (that’s because they probably are) and will depend on context, but sometimes we all need reminders of what we already know deep down.

(NOTE: If you like this, you can find more like it in my book, Rest + Calm.)

So, in no particular order:

TURN OFF NOTIFICATIONS

For those of us who have smartphones, most of us don’t need to be attached to them at all times. But even if you do, you can still turn off notifications on any apps you don’t need alerts from. For me, turning off notifications on WhatsApp several years ago was a game changer.

PAUSE

For me, this is the most important thing.

Pausing opens up the space for clarity.

Before you respond, stop and ascertain whether a) the thing in question really is urgent or not and b) it is something that requires a response from you at all.

If this is face-to-face then “let me get back to you” is a great line to give yourself time to think before responding.

RESPOND MINDFULLY

Your time isn’t less valuable than anyone else’s. If a response is required (or if one isn’t but you choose to provide it), do so in fair amount of time without detriment to yourself. By this I mean take care of your own priorities first and give yourself the space you need to respond in a considered way (think of the “put your own oxygen mask on before helping others” analogy.)

Throwing out a reply while preoccupied with something else, or when feeling overwhelmed, or simply to get it out of the way also increases the possibility of miscommunication or inflaming the situation.

Last but not least…

BECOME OKAY WITH SAYING NO

Because sometimes “no” will be the right answer.

Your time isn’t less valuable than anyone else’s.

Over to you:

What are your experiences of false sense of urgency syndrome?
What other tips would you suggest to navigate it?
Find more like this in my book, available in print, eBook/Kindle and narrated by me on Audible.

If any of this resonates with you let me know in the comments.

Slow Living in the Big City with Paula Hines

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