Not your mother’s menopause
De-stigmatising The Change
My mother didn’t openly discuss the menopause with me, but when I think back, I do remember there being hushed mentions of “The Change” between her and her friends. I also remember that Mum would at times get very moody and very hot. Though I would get very moody too. I now know that the clues were there, but at the time I was in my teens and clueless! Puberty and perimenopause under one-roof at the same time – a great combination.
Now that I’m slap bang in the eye of perimenopause (which isn’t always plain sailing if I’m completely honest) I often think about my Mum and feel deep empathy, not least because I finally recognise what she was experiencing. I wish I’d known at the time and been more understanding. I’ve come to realise that some of the symptoms I’ve experienced mirrored hers too.
It wasn’t only my mother who didn’t speak openly about menopause. When I was growing up, nobody did. At school we had lessons all about periods, puberty and pregnancy, but the M-word? Never mentioned. Is it any wonder that so many of us have been completely blindsided by it in our lives? I certainly was. I began having symptoms in my late thirties. When I visited the doctors they were never quite sure what was wrong. Returning to my GP surgery in my early forties with a little more knowledge under my belt, I was dismissed when I mentioned menopause, being told I was too young*. (*Research has shown that Black women tend to reach menopause earlier and experience more severe symptoms.)
‘Menopause’ itself is really only one day – the point at which you’ve not had a period for 12 consecutive months (where there’s no other reason for periods to have ceased). After this is postmenopause. In the general discussion around menopause, particularly where symptoms are concerned, we’re really talking about perimenopause, the years leading up to that day (though that said, there’s a bit of a misconception that in postmenopause you won’t experience any symptoms, plus surgical menopause isn’t discussed nearly enough). The duration of perimenopause and our experiences of it will vary because we’re all different. You might sail through with no symptoms, but most people will experience some. Even though the average age of menopause tends to be around 52, medical conditions (such as POI - Premature Ovarian Insufficiency), ethnicity and genetics can be factors in reaching menopause earlier.
Thankfully, things are changing. I’ve noticed this over the past five years, but things seem to have snowballed particularly since 2020 onwards. For myself, by that point I was clear that I was perimenopausal. In the year of 2020, bereavement on top of world events severely exacerbated my symptoms and brought a few new ones. I’d been teaching yoga for nine years by then and through my own research had been utilising my yoga practice to help with some of my symptoms (anxiety being a big one) and quietly sharing this with some clients. That year I heard about Menopause Yoga and completed this training to add to my knowledge. 2020 was certainly a turning point for me in bringing my experiences into the open and discussing menopause with friends.
Though there’s still a way to go, I’m glad to see that at last menopause is being de-stigmatised and that more information is becoming readily available. I also can’t remember a time when people in the pubic eye were ever so open about it.
Last month Drew Barrymore went viral for having her first hot flush live on her TV show. When I saw the clip of Drew removing her jacket and fanning herself and I felt a wave of empathy and recognition. We’re the same age, and I’m not a stranger to a hot flush. I also appreciated Drew’s honesty and vulnerability in that moment and thought about the people who would feel less alone for having seen Drew being open about what she was experiencing in real time.
Then just last week, Oprah publicly stepped into the menopause conversation, so to quote Karen Arthur (check out Karen’s Menopause Whilst Black podcast here btw), “The big guns have arrived!”
No more hushed mentions of The Change. For my mother’s generation and those before her, so many had to suffer in silence. Slowly, but surely it feels like things are changing for the better. For me, the ups of this transition ultimately outweigh the downs and I feel as though I am becoming more myself than I ever was in my 20s and 30s. It’s like I’m being rewired internally and getting an upgrade.
As I mentioned earlier, all our experiences of menopause are different because we’re all different. You might experience no symptoms or several. It can be a journey of hills and valleys to discover what will work best for you depending on how you respond to the hormonal changes that are happening. It’s not always easy, but it’s essential to be kind to yourself along the way. The known symptoms are multiple from brain fog, to anxiety, to depression, to heart palpitations, to yes, hot flushes and so much more. One thing we do know is that stress appears to exacerbate all symptoms. I’ve found that when I keep on top of the stress in my life whatever symptoms I have tend to reduce or even disappear for a while. Even though we can’t stop stress we can have a degree of control over how we respond to it and navigate it. I’m biased, but yoga (not just the physical aspects of the practice, because it is so much more than that) does help me hugely.
Yoga on its own is not a cure all, but if it resonates with you it can be an invaluable companion through perimenopause and beyond.
On Saturday 29th April I’m excited to be joining osteopath (with over 30 years of clinical practice) and yoga teacher of 22 years, Yinka Fabusuyi to offer a special workshop: Practices & Guidance for Menopause Support at Yoga Point Brixton. You can find details and book your place here.
Not able to join us in-person. I have yoga for menopause practices available online at:
Mindwalk Yoga - sign up for a 7-day free trial and use promo code SELFCARE for 50% off your first month.
Plus this mini practice, Cooling Excess Heat (12 minutes) on YouTube:
In addition, you’ll find lots of practices to help you regulate your nervous system and ease physiological stress (including a specific restorative yoga practice with menopause in mind) in my book, Rest + Calm: Gentle yoga and mindful practices to nurture and restore yourself. It’s available from multiple retailers including these, (for US readers, a few of the retailers you can find it at include Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Walmart) and if you order direct from bloomsbury.com you can receive a 25% discount at the checkout by entering the code REST+CALM25.
Thank you!! Such useful links 🙏🏼